Assumptions

The System

by Kayla Yoshino

When you used to be in a gang, you still have gang contacts. 

When you still have gang contacts, you can holler at them for work. 

When you holler at them for work, they front you pounds from the West Coast. 

When they front you pounds from the West Coast, you start flipping pounds. 

When you start flipping pounds, you start stacking. 

When you start stacking, you start trapping out of a three bedroom apartment with 15 foot ceilings in River West. 

When you start trapping out of a three bedroom apartment with 15 foot ceilings in River West, you remain sketched out about bringing people over.

When you remain sketched out about bringing people over, you get a French bulldog named Romeo. 

When you get a French bulldog named Romeo, you quickly learn that dogs like Romeo are bred so as to unintentionally exacerbate the creatures’ health problems. 

When you quickly learn that dogs like Romeo are bred so as to unintentionally exacerbate the creatures’ health problems, you begin finding small piles of Romeo’s puke on the oak floors of your luxury apartment.

When you begin finding small piles of Romeo’s puke on the oak floors of your luxury apartment, you frequently clean them up. 

When you frequently clean them up, you first spray the pile of Romeo puke with Lysol to kill any residual bacteria. 

When you first spray the pile of Romeo puke with Lysol to kill any residual bacteria, you grab four paper towels and fold them over the pile of Lysolinated Romeo puke. 

When you grab four paper towels and fold them over the pile of Lysolinated Romeo puke, you grip the corners of one side of paper towels and trap the puke in a veritable pouch. 

When you grip the corners of one side of paper towels and trap the puke in a veritable pouch, you carefully lift the wet lumpy paper towels, carry them to the toilet, and flush. 

When you carefully lift the wet lumpy paper towels, carry them to the toilet, and flush, you return to the spot and hit it with more Lysol spray. 

When you return to the spot and hit it with more Lysol spray, you scrub the spot with more paper towels. 

When you scrub the spot with more paper towels, you crumple and flush those paper towels too. 

When you crumple and flush those paper towels too, you return to the couch and pet Romeo, who’s really a sweet guy. 

Kayla Yoshino sold her startup and is taking the rest of the year off to study music.